Getting good relationship advice - the 'who, what and when'

You may just want the best relationship advice when you have some relationship questions. Or you're going to need the best professional advice to try and save your relationship or marriage if you are in real trouble.



In this article I'll cover what kind of relationship advice you should avoid at all costs.

I'll also give you some ideas about who you might want to turn to, and what to consider when you want to consult a professional for expert advice on relationships.
Good or bad relationship advice: family or friends?

First of all I'd really like you to try and tune into your own intuition.

You'll know deep down when you're ill-advised. You'll be questioning yourself and may sense that something's wrong... even if you can't immediately put your finger on it.

You might really want to go with the advice you've been given because it's what you want to hear. Yet you won't be able to help feeling a little 'niggle' that something about it isn't quite right.

Secondly, you'll need to consider if the advice you've been given is biased or unbiased advice on relationships. I'll explain more about this, but before I do - a word or two about who you should definitely not ask for advice ...

Do yourself a favour; don't take any advice from someone (family or friends) if:
they like to gossip - no explanation necessary!
their own relationships lunge from one disaster to another - also self-explanatory
they treat others - anyone - with contempt
they speak in a derogatory manner about others
they like the sound of their own voice
they can't help but turn any conversation to their own troubles
they're too keen to voice their personal opinion

Be aware of biased advice on relationships

It's real a gift if you have friends and family members who are really supportive and keen to help.

However, the decisions you make and what happens to you will affect them too. Most of these wonderful people, therefore, are likely to offer you guidance and counsel that is biased (although they might not be conscious of this). That means that their suggestions, relationship tips or warnings are likely to be somewhat 'coloured' by self-interest.

So, when you seek relationship advice, by all means speak to friends and family - in fact I think it's a very good idea to share your troubles. However, just be aware that their direction and advice to you may not be completely impartial.

People who are not directly involved with you are more likely able to offer unbiased relationship advice. It has no bearing on them what you decide to do and they won't be affected - regardless of the outcome of your decisions.

So, where do you go for that kind of counsel?

When you feel like you need relationship advice, it can be hard to know where to look. I hope this page will help you to identify where the best help for you can come from.

I've also listed some expert relationship advice resources which could be useful for you. (In case you've landed here first, do make sure you hop over to Part 1 to start with a look at some of the pitfalls to avoid when you're seeking relationship advice.)
Finding the best possible relationship help

- top 10 things to look for in the person you turn to

Despite what I've mentioned before, you may well be fortunate enough to have one of those wonderful 'souls' amongst the people you know who's able to respond to your needs without much of their personal 'stuff' colouring their advice.

These rare individuals will have enough self-awareness to ensure that their perceptions and opinions don't get in the way of the advice and guidance they offer you.

In general though, the kind of person who's likely to be most helpful to you:
Has great listening skills (see link further down for more information)
Is non-judgmental
Won't 'preach' (unless of course you're seeking religious advice)
Won't be directive (i.e. telling you what you should or shouldn't do)
Will absolutely keep your conversation confidential, unless you're likely to harm yourself or someone else
Will probably have plenty of life experience
Will offer advice or personal opinion only if asked
Can offer wise counsel and information without any expectation of what you do with that
Won't think any less of you if you decide to act against their advice
Won't take over and act on your behalf without you asking them to - or even knowing that they're doing so

Personally, I'm really fortunate that I have people in my social and professional circles who I can turn to. However, I so realise that not everyone has that opportunity.

So, who do you turn to particularly for relationship advice if you don't have access to anyone with the above qualities?
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